You can find me in Hawaii by next Tuesday. I may race. Tomorrow will be a test ride and Sunday a test run. The final decision will be made Sunday night after weighing those sessions and the pain free ones I've had since early this week. I've come to accept that I cannot possibly know what I could have done sans injury. Maybe I would have a PR and an overall great time. Maybe I would have bonked, or crashed, or had cramps, or just had a "bad day". The only thing I can control right now is what's real, what's now/present. The last few weeks have been full of ups and downs. That's the instability that comes with injury, with listening to your body. One day you feel like it's gone, or maybe not quite, the next you feel like you may never be able to run/ride again. Day by day, minute by minute, things change, and so have my feelings about racing.
If I pull the plug it's a lost opportunity, the race will forever be an unknown and despite how much I need solid results, how much it would kill me to go there and have to stop (deal I made with my coach) if my knee starts hurting, sometimes you just have to race for the sake of racing- because you love it. Heck, who knows, life is so unpredictable that maybe there'll be an earthquake and I'll never be able to race again. It can sound ludicrous but there's no guarantee for any future event. So, with that said, I will contiunue to play each moment by ear. All I can hope for is that my knee holds up and that I can muster whatever fitness I have now into a solid day. I'm confident enough in my race execution-plan and my mental toughness to know that even if over-rested and a little limp, I can pull out a race to be proud of- all it takes is giving my best, being smart, and listening to that knee.
I'll be uber busy these next few days if the call is "yes" as I have to pack stuff to move to my condo upon returning, have to sort out last minute travel details that I put off, and gather my mind for race week.
Track Honu 70.3 on ironman.com, my name might pop up ;)
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